Our Christmas 2009

Started with opening Christmas Eve pj's. Then we put cookies out for Santa (dropping a few on the way)
She picked them right up, and took a bite, I don't think Santa minded!

Looking sad, she wanted to eat them.

In her new monkey jammies all ready for bed.

Santa and hi elves putting together Josie's new toy.

After almost two hours, Santa landed and left some fun new toys. (The big dog was shipped to Josie from Uncle Trey)

Playing with Santa gifts.

She loves the dogie.

Nice happy family at the Christmas Eve Service.

MERRY CHRISTMAS 2009

KU

Jeff is brain washing our daughter to love KU! It's really cute. She now recognizes the Jay Hawk and can sing the Rock Chalk chant with Jeff. This morning we were saying our ABC's and when we got to K she screamed KU! Jeff is so proud ;)

Two Josie Stories

Last night Josie was sitting in my lap reading a book. She pushed the book aside and said, "mommy I potty". So I rushed her into the bathroom, where sure enough she peed in the potty. It's second time. I'm not really potty training her, just explaining what I do when I go, and what and where things are. So I am impressed. Yes I know things could and probably will go very differently when she starts the hard core potty training, but for now I am excited ;)


This morning I took her inside the babysitters house, took off her coat and hat, before I knew it she was at the door opening it. Then she come to me grabbed my leg and pushed me out the door. She looked out at me said See ya and slammed the door! Thanks a lot Josie! It was funny and really I am so happy she is where she is all day and obviously enjoys herself!

T.I.M.S. Fight Panthers Fight

This is my fabulous cheerleading squad! We went to a competition and rocked it! It was so much fun and we did awesome! We were one of 6 middle schools and our routine was pretty tough compared to the other squads. We got some pretty big props from the high school squads. Plus we had a BOY! Yup the only middle school squad with a boy in the city! He is just awesome and wants to learn and learn. I love these kids and this makes my job so much more fun. (well on most days) In our routine we had lots of halves, two fulls, two libs, a double hitch pyramid and lots of tumbling. If you were on my high school squad you would recognize our cheer (it was hey hey here we go from our routine senior year) I told them I did it in a routine and they thought that was so cool. I am excited because I am turning our cheerleading program into something really great. It's all because I have great girls (and boys) We have 4 basketball games left with an excited Christmas routine still to come.

3 point shot at the buzzer

This year our girls 7th grade basketball team is awesome! They have won every game so far. the poor, poor, poor hardworking boys team just can't catch a break. I have been to all of the home games (with the cheerleaders) and a few away games, as an extra hand to help the coaches with the kids and fans. The kids love us to be there and yesterday it was another teachers turn to go to the away game. The boys team was upset that I was not going , it was cute =) So I told them if they won I would buy them all pizza for lunch on Monday. Knowing full well that winning would most likely not happen I told them if they only lost by 8 I would make them brownies.

This morning they run up the stairs screaming MRS JACKSON YOU OWE US BROWNIES!!!!!

So, ok they lost by 8, exactly 8. Miles scored a 3 point shot at the buzzer to get them to where they needed to be. Not only that, but after he scored the whole team stood up screaming BROWNIES and ran onto the court to high five Miles for getting them brownies.

I hear the coach is not too happy they were acting so excited for losing, oh well it is the best game they have played so far. I hope that I will have to buy them pizza before this season is over!

Today at lunch

I hear, "hey Mrs. Jackson come sit with us". It's a group of 7th grade boys. "We saved you a seat, hurry before someone else takes it", they say. So I go and sit with them. They are a fun crowd to eat lunch with. We all talk though out lunch and after I say somthing about my husband one kid says, "uh, you a husband"! I said what did you think, I have pictures of my family all over my classroom. He says, "well you can have a kid and no husband"! Then turned bright red!

Halloween

We let the kids dress up for school on Friday. It was sun and they were so creative. Below is Flo from the Progressive commercials, and Tom from Tom and Jerry. Here we have Micheal Jackson, Alice in Wonderland, and a couple of jolly ranchers.

OK on the left is sponge Bob's Siamese twin, a smartie pants, Medusa and strawberry shortcake.

This was my favorite, Luigi!

In English we wrote and read scary stories while eating Wayyyy to much candy.

Yes, he ate all 25 pixie sitx!

Later that night I chaperoned the middle school dance. It was a lot of fun. I got to lead in the macherana, took me back to my school days!

Happy Birthday To Me!

I flew out to Denver to see Wicked with my family for my birthday. No, I did not take Josie. It was nice to have a few days all by myself. I slept in all three mornings and was able to spend some time with my, mom, dad and brother without Josie. It is amazingly different. The show was awesome, even if we were in the nose bleeds! We had a good time.
On my B-day we all went bowling. Drew provided the friends and we had alot of fun!

My mom won every game by a land slide!

And now I only 2 years away from 30!!!!!

Talking

Yesterday at Taco Bell Josie wanted some mild sauce. She handed it to me and said, "open". So I put some on her taco wrapper. She dipped her finger licked it and said pain as day, " I like it" I thought she would make a face or even cry. I just looked at her, stunned she sounded like a little girl and not a baby!

Some thoughts

I go to the doctor today. I hate this appointment. I know whats going to happen. I will go in wanting answers and leave without any. I will be examined and he will say ok go back to regular life, wait two cycles and try again. SUCKS! I have written down a list of questions to ask, all of which don't really have answers, but I'll ask anyway. SUCKS!

Lately I have been feeling robbed. Robbed of my child, robbed of the joy of pregnancy (i can't Imogen getting excited about being pregnant, just terrified.) Robbed of telling people exciting news. Josie's sibling has been taken away.

I am teaching Edgar Allan Poe this month and boy does that fit. I can really connect to his dark poetry. I am also teaching poetry writing and I love it. The kids really pour their hearts into writing and I have cried reading many of them. One girl lost her dad, a boy's parents are going though a divorce. They put their pain into this. I promised I would be the only person to read what they write, but I wish I could share it.

My 7th graders are just awesome and even though only a handful know what happened they are a big part of me wanting to get up in the morning. My husband thinks I'm crazy for being so upset, we have child why is this so hard on me? Maybe I am crazy.

Some advice

It is always best to STAY OFF THE INTERNET! Why do we think we will feel better if we can try to understand more about what happens to us. That is just not always true. I need to throw my computer out of the window. Now I am just flat out depressed and I don't know how I can be positive about getting and staying pregnant again. The stats and information is awful. Now that I've had two miscarriages the likelihood of having a third is too high for what I to hear. I just want answers, a reason this happened and then reassurance that it won't happen again. That's what I want. I don't want to be the 1 in 4 again.
The whole pregnancy process is so hard and difficult to understand. You get excited for something and go through the worst part of the pregnancy just to wonder if there is even anything really growing in there. Now I have to start over, all over. It just sucks. It's so frustrating. How many children will I have to lose? Now I am 1 for 3. Maybe a good baseball stat but not a good baby stat.

It really is so hard to believe

I was clam and didn't even worry, and the worst happened. With Josie I worried every day, almost every minute. I had a miscarriage four months before getting pregnant with her. Who wouldn't worry? This time was soooo different. I wasn't worried. Ok, when I was bit by a brown recluse last week I was a little worried (they say it's totally unrelated) Everything was normal, no pain, nothing. Jeff had his wisdom teeth pulled Friday and Saturday morning I woke up to a little spotting. Josie and I headed to the ER. If your going to have a miscarriage have it at St. Joe. They really do care. I did the standard stuff and waited for a sonogram. Oh to not hear a heart beat is just sickening. I was hoping to hear that maybe there was just a sac, but no baby. That would be easier to handle. Nope there was the fetus. Everything was there! Jeff was there by then thank goodness. So my cervix didn't open last time to let everything out and they figured the same would happen this time so they booked me for surgery. I am glad, I didn't want to wait around for maybe weeks and then see everything come out. The hospital Chaplin came to see me and told me my baby would be buried here in town somewhere and have memorial service too. Everyone was so understanding, it's my child whether 7 days or 7 years. Jeff couldn't be with me for the whole process because of his pain but we had some friends come get him and stay with me. Another one who watched Josie. I just didn't expect this, and I didn't think it would be so hard, I have a child. I guess because it is my child, her sibling it's just as hard. My mom was here for a couple of days and it will hard to go back to regular life without her. Last time I took two weeks off of work, this time two days. I wonder if I can move forward faster by getting back sooner. I will have to tell my cheerleaders, can I do it without crying? Will they understand?
We were not really trying to get pregnant but I was so excited for this, I was due at the perfect time, I had the whole summer to spend at home with them both. I don't know what to do now. Trying to get pregnant after a miscarriage SUCKS! The pressure is horrible, but I don't want to wait. The balance is hard.

another pregnancy...

another miscarriage!


had surgery yesterday afternoon, recovering physically but i thought it might be easier emotionally having josie already, it's not.......

Pumpkin Patch

This weekend we went to a pumpkin patch up by Newton KS with Grandma. It was really neat and Josie loved this big thing filled with corn kernels. I had to pull her out screaming. We need one at home, it would provide hours of entertainment. She loved looking at the pigs too. It smelled awful, but she couldn't tear her self away.

She liked this one because it was her size!


KS is a really pretty place!

Time flies

When you are grading grammar tests, and when you have a baby. Josie is 18 months old! Wow I can't believe it. She weighs 23lbs and is 31 inches. She is talking, talking, talking! She says, "I love you momma", "thank you momma", where daddy?" counts to 10 (with help) and can pick out few letters. She says everything we ask her to and it is so much fun to read books with her, when she points to and tells me what the pictures are. She comes to my football games to watch the cheerleaders yell. When they do she stops whatever she is doing to stare. She even picked up a pair of poms and said blue, white! Just like a little cheerleader! Almost every night as I am putting her bed I sing Jesus loves me. Now she picks up her dolls, rocks them and sings Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. When she has no interest in going to bed she says NO Jesus, NO Jesus! She knows that song goes with bed time. My favorite is when I ask her what her name is and she says Josie! I love her little voice. She is growing up and I love watching it! I am way to excited for this weekend. Josie has no fall/winter clothes and I get to GO SHOPPING!!!! It's been such a wonderful adventure with her so far and I can't wait for whats next.

Homecoming

A couple of weeks ago we had home coming at our school and it was a lot of fun. We preformed at the all school pep-rally and in the parade. The girls did really well and even the high schoolers were impressed. This is me with a few of my 7th grade cheerleaders.
On Friday night Jeff brought Josie to the game. She was dressed up in her panther gear. She played with a bunch of my 7th grade girls, who are dying to babysit, and ate chips and m&m's for dinner. FUN!!!

We are learning some new stunts and it's fun to watch the girls be successful.

Right before the pep-rally. Notice the really ugly poms! Don't worry we have new ones now!

On Friday we painted faces and some kids even dyed their hair blue!

Scary Panthers!

These are the crazy boys I get to teach everyday.

Cheering on the football team. WE WON!!!

26 months and 2 days

Is how far apart in age Josie will be from her sibling! Yes thats right I am pregnant. Well according to the test I took last week. I was going to wait at least a few more weeks before saying anything but I was talking to a co-worker (at work, mistake number one) and one of my cheerleaders overheard me. BAD NEWS!!!! I didn't want to lie to her but I didn't want rumors flying so I decided due to my own stupidity I would go ahead and tell the imoportant people at school so they don't hear it from someone else. This is NO LONGER A SECRET and it's all my fault. I hope she can learn somthing from this =)

Anyway there it is, I am so super early and my estimated due date is like May 27th so see EARLY!!!!! Oh well, now you know .

I am always going to be nerouvs becasue I have had a miscarraige and those thoughts are hard to let go of. Just maybe pray for me if you think about it.

Thanks!

Revelation

Last night I had a bit of a revelation. I may have figured out why it's so hard for me to break in here and have deep friendships.

When I was little I moved every year and a half to two years. Hard? Yes it was; however, I always lived on an Air Force Base where the other kids were just like me. We needed somthing from each other. We could share what we needed and form a deep friendship. I fit in!

Now; here, it's differnet. We go to a great chruch were people are nice and Sundays are fun, we feel like we have friends, then we leave for the week. It's not just at church, but it's a reality the Christian coumminity is the hardest to break into. It's not anyones fault, but people here have what they NEED. They don't NEED me. They have family close by, and life long friends but they don't NEED me. Not like I NEED them. I would be there for ANYONE in an instant, but I'm not asked because I'm not needed. So we are in different situations I NEED friends, I NEED help, I NEED someone to call after a tough day. How can I expect anyone to do that for me when they don't want me to do it for them. And not so much they don't want me to but it in a rough situation or a happy day I'm not on anyones list of people to call so thats why my list is empty. It seems like everyone else has a list. It's hard to add new people in these busy times, I know. I really am a faithful firend and I can be there for you. I can do anything: cook, talk, laugh, cry, drive, babysit whatever so put me on your list please let me prove to be a good friend, let me in PLEASE!!!!

I NEED to have a list too!

A little update

I knew it would happen, today I had to leave my sick baby and go to work. It was hard, but Jeff was home with her (way weird, for dad to be home with sick baby) he need to go to work too so "mimi" Jeff's mom came down to stay with her. Josie came up with mimi all by herself. We always thought grandma and grandpa would be grandma and grandpa. When Josie saw a picture of Jeff's mom and called her mimi. It stuck and it's not going anywhere! Josie loves her almost to the point of jealously for me haha! So Josie had a blast today and seemed to be better when I got home. I was able to leave a little early, another teacher did some of things I needed to get done. Including, copying some quiz's for me.

At cheer practice today my patience was thrown over the edge! If you know me you know I cannot really truly be mean. Well today when three girls took cattiness to whole new level and even put a girl in a dangerous situation I lost it. I didn't yell (I wanted to) I lectured them so intensely I was shaking and they took a step back with wide eyes. I think I've seen the end of that. Well maybe not they are in 7th grade =)

Over all they are doing well, learning allot and they look good. I have to remember that they are young and working hard is something they are still learning how to do. We will be attending a low key competition in November and the 8th graders and I will be getting a routine together next week. I am excited and terrified for this =)

I am still teaching a few hours of cheer and gymnastics each week at the Y. Why? Well I love it and I really love the people I work with. I may need to back off a little in the spring, but I can't quit. That job gave me hope when I was so sick of being at home all day and gave some life time friends, and friends for Josie.

Jeff is teaching a bible study at church. It is how to survive the economic meltdown from a Biblical perspective. He is excited to share his knowledge and get to know some new people.

Every other minute is spent with Josie and we love to play at the playground, take her baby for walks in her new baby stroller, read books, and learn new words. She can count to 10, with help, she repeats everything she hears, and today she said shoo to a fly that was buzzing around her head. I am (too early I know) teaching her what the potty is, and today she showed mimi her new words when I asked her where do you pee pee? She ran into the bathroom saying potty potty and hit the toilet with her hands. Too bad peeing in it for real is not happening yet!!!

Doing really well, busy, but having a blast. It's awesome to hear HEY MRS JACKSON yelled from across the school parking lot, then get home to a big hug and mommy, mommy I wub oohh.

So Much Fun......

is my new job! I love love love it! Never in my life have I felt like I fit somewhere! This is it. I can see myself doing this job for years and years! I love the kids, the staff, my boss, and even (well so far) the parents. Everyday is new and everyday I teach the kids something they didn't know the day before. They are so expressive and excited about life. They try new things when I ask them to. Everyday I think I try something new and I know I learn from them. I already tear up thinking about the last day of school. It's a great feeling to be where God wants you to be! I know each day won't be perfect and I will face challenges and make mistakes, but WoW to love my job!

This week has been awesome. Topped off today with a pep rally, my girls did awesome! They have been working hard and it shows!

I am so messed up for loving my job even though I say goodbye to my little one every morning? I am awful for being happy that she is somewhere awesome with people who love her and take great care of her? She is doing really well. It is hard some days, to say goodbye! Some days she cries, but I feel at peace about the situation. Can I be a good Christian mom and work? I want so badly to find someone else in the same situation to talk with, to understand with. Why can't play dates happen in the evening some times? We need a WMOPS working moms of preschoolers =)

So much fun was also my mommy daughter date tonight. We picked up some happy meals and headed to park. We tried to shoo away the ducks as we ate fries (no apple dippers for us =) and then we hit the playground. Josie played hard. I love taking her to the playground. We swing and slide and climb and jump. So much fun. I love being able to play with her, and watch her grow in her strength.

Now I am sitting here totally on empty, ready for bed at 8:30pm, but excited for the rest of the school year....

it really is this simple.......

My favorite. hymn.........

What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear. What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer.

What a peace we often forfeit, oh what needless pain we bear. All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations, is there trouble anywhere. We should never be discouraged. Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share, Jesus knows our every weakness. Take it to the Lord in prayer.

I can't feel my left toe, the one by the pinky

It has been a long week around here. I started work and we had big plans to get Josie going on her new schedule. Didn't work out the way we had planned. Jeff's grandpa died the night before I started. It has been tough on him, but he is doing well. Josie stayed with grandma and grandpa, I went to bed at two am! Went to work, I am going to LOVE it! I am so excited about this blessing in the form of a job. Later that day I came home to Jeff and Josie and our air conditioning was broken! The windows are painted shut and it is unbearable. So we go to the pool to get away from everything and figure out where to sleep. Some amazing friends let us stay the night and even have a crib for Josie. WoW it was awesome. The next day I take Josie to the babysitter. Poor girl has been in a different bed each night for three days. She is tired and mad at me ;) But God had given me a wonderful place to take her where she has friends and a babysitter to hug and LOVE her. Then after a full day I pick her up and head back up to Newton to help Jeff's family get ready for the funeral. Again Josie is tired and mad at me. I knew she just wanted to go home. We come home at 11pm to a cold house, Thank you God! This morning I head to work in my funeral clothes, heels and all. Again I have a mad 17 month old who just wants mama! (But she had fun with the babysitter today, got to try out bowling) I sit though meetings, then go to the funeral. The funeral is great, goes really well, family is very happy! I go back to work in my heels to meet ALL of kids (7th graders) and their wonderful ;) PARENTS. It goes really well, they are all so friendly and eager to meet me. I am excited to get going with the school year. Then I head out to the football field for the picnic, still in my heels. Eat and talk to a few people. at 7pm I head home. I take off my shoes and my feet ache like crazy and I cannot feel my toe! It was quite a week, long rough but I am so very blessed in so many ways, so many things have gone right that I cannot say it was bad!

But I am more excited to get Josie on some kind of normal sch. than I am for Christmas presents!

Christmas in and 4th of July

We had our4th with some friends of Jeff's parents. They live on a lake and we loaded up the boat to watch fire works . It was one of the best shows I have ever seen! Josie loved it til she passed out cold in my arms during the final bang! We had Christmas in July with the Johnson's and also celebrated my pop's finishing his PHD! He's the old guy in the pic =)

Josie and her 2nd cousin Presley both received pink and purple trikes, they look really excited huh? =) I LOVE it and can't wait for Josie to figure out the peddles.

She said ohhhhh when she saw it! WE LOVE PINK!

THANK YOU GG! (great grandma)

TODAY

Jeff: Josie what did you learn at church today?

Josie: blank stare

Jeff: did you share your toys?

Josie: grabs what Jeff had in his hands and says, "MINE!"

Story time with Josie Jackson

She loves to play and I can't believe how much she copies me. Today she picked up her pink purse, tinkerbell keys, and baby doll said bye bye and headed for the door. She stood by the door for a few minutes before running back to the living room saying hi-o hi-o (hello) So I asked her, "Josie, where did you go?" She said, "bool,bool!" Which means pool, guess we go to the pool alot =)

Then later she brought me her tu tu to tie around her waist and when I was finished I asked to to ballet dance, she held her hands up above her head and stood on her tip toes. She learned that from Sesame Street, Zoe was teaching Abby how to do it.

She also loves animal nosies and can do doggie, lambie, and cow. Today she was eating animal crackers and started a walking a cat on my shoulder saying mow mow!

She also likes to pick up my cell phone and jabber really loud into it. Oh man do I really talk that loud? =)

She likes to look for birds in the sky or bir and ky!

In her broken baby talk she can repeat almost everything we ask her to........ well it depends on who you ask!

I can't belive she is growing up so fast, her mind anyway. She still wears size 3 shoes (or 3-6 months) and today she found a 0-3 size jacket she wore home from the hospital and it fit her as a cute little 3/4 sleeve jacket! I love watching all of this happen, WOW!

a little list

Of things we did this summer.......

My younger bro was here for just about two months and I want to remember some of the things we did, so that someday when we look back and say, "what did we do that summer?" we will have a record =)

~ We went to the playground and Drew helped Josie climb and slide. (josie loved to slide and called them lides) he pushed her in the swings for what seemed like hours.

~ We went swimming almost everyday and Drew always watched Josie for a bit so I could go down the big slide (lide)

~ We cooked ALOT! Drew and both love veggies and trying new things so we ate well! He baked every week. Cakes, cookies, lemon bars.

~ On the topic of food and eating, we both love doughunts and coffee and so we tried a new doughnut place every week.

~ We left Josie for her first weekend at G-mas and headed to KC for some baseball and waterpark fun. We stayed in a crappy hotel where the lock on the door pulled off when Jeff shut it too hard. A little scary but mostly funny. Drew and I had fun at the water park while Jeff layed out. (really he did, no slides for him)

~ Drew helped me take Josie on her first airplane ride to see grandpa for fathers day.

~ We did a week long gymnastics camp for kids. They loved Drew and one told him he was the coolest guy he ever met!

~Drew babysat a few times, put Josie to bed twice and watched alot of sesame street. He will never know how helpful he was!

~ Oh and to have a few nights off in the kitchen was amazing! (he even did the dishes)

~ We watched Burn Notice and Locked Up Abroad!

~ We waited in the theater for three hours to see Harry Potter.

~ Drew was always down for eating lunch out every once in a while, and even paid a few times =)

We had a lot of fun, and I know the summer is not over but Drew leaves tomorow and I am sad. I will miss having family around. (mine lives in Colorado) I will miss his friendship and company. I will really his willingness to eat dessert with me any time day or night! I moved away to go to college when Drew was in 1st grade and feel like I got to know him this summer. I have a ton of pictures from the two months he was here but you will have to see them on the facebook page for now due to a computer issue. Thanks Drew (or Doo if you ask Josie) for spending the summer with us and everything you did for me!

josie's one year (ok 14 month) pics

http://themoffats.blogspot.com/2009/07/josie.html

GO SEE JOSIE'S WAY CUTE PICS!!!!!

Today.......

i was cleaning Josie's room, Jeff was sorting laundry in our room and Drew was down stairs watching T.V. Sounds like someone is missing right? Josie walked, by HERSELF, all the way down the stairs. I thought she was with Jeff, Jeff was sure she was with me! Thank God He protected her!

LATER........

She said, "eye" while pointing to Jeff's eye. Then out came,"nose" while pointing to Jeff's nose. Finally we got to hear mou (mouth) while puckering up lips and pointing to them!

WOW, I know I know all babies grow, learn to talk and grow but watching your own do these things is just awesome.

MUSIC

When we lived in Breckenridge I listened to a Reliant K CD over and over. I'm sure I'm not the only person out there who stores memories by music. It had been a while since I put that CD in my car and I was thinking about it. A few days later there was an upside down CD on the backseat of my car. I picked it up to find my Reliant K CD. I popped it in and wow did a lot of memories come flooding back to me. A lot of those songs helped me though some of my miscarriage grief, some reminded me of day camp and the kids I worked with, mostly just of our time in the Mountains. I am really thankful that God gives people the gift of song writing, instrument playing and singing. Music is such a great part of life, and so many musicians help people though life with out ever even knowing it. One song that that is on the miscarriage list hit me pretty hard this time around. I had not heard it since having Josie in my life and was able to process some of the words for the first time. Part of the song is this :

and you said I know that this will hurt

but if I don't break your heart then things will just get
worse

If the burden seems too much to bear

Remember the end will justify the pain it took to get us
there

and I'll let it be known at times I have shown

signs of all my weakness

but somewhere in me

there is strength

and you promise me that you believe

in time I will defeat this

cause somewhere in me there is strength

and today I will trust you with the confidence

of a man who's never known defeat

and I'll try my best to just forget

that that man isn't me

It was a few hours after listening to this song again that it popped into my head: hummm...... I remember wondering as I was trying again to get pregnant would the end justify the pain it took to get us there. And I just stopped what I was doing, WoW I thought now I can answer that question. So I thought about it, I know I love Josie more than I could ever explain to anyone, but is that pain justified now. I had to think about it for awhile honestly! I will always be sad about losing that first baby, that baby is not Josie, Josie is a different person. But I decided that yes I would go though ALL of it again, all of the pain to get Josie. So yes it was worth it.

The rest of the song made me sad because I was not strong enough to trust God and rely on that strength instead of focusing on my weaknesses. In the middle of it I used to think yes I know that somewhere in me is strength. I was so hurt that everything I did and said was negative,that's all my friends knew. I don't know why it was so hard for me. I wanted so badly to let everyone know that somewhere in me was this strength but I couldn't let it out.

So two years and a baby later I have a lot to reflect on for sure. How did I handle things then? How have I grown? And most important to me how can I use it to help someone else?

NO MORE PACI!

It is gone forever! Jeff put Josie to bed last night with out it. He came down stairs and said, "it's time!" So it is gone. Today has been pretty good, a few hard moments. Going down for nap time was a little hard, some crying. Waking up was horrible (I almost grabbed it, Jeff was at the gym, ha! he would never know) she screamed for it for 15 min. I ended up giving her a few chocolate chips =) She liked that! Bed time tonight....... I was nervous. After bath time while I brushed her hair she SCREAMED!!!! Man, I was sure she would end up crying her self to sleep. I got up and she booked it for the crib reaching to try to get in. I scooped her up said a really quick prayer and put her down. She was OUT! No paci required. WoW, good job teeny tiny. I know it's not over, but we are on our way.

Oh and today at gymnastics she did her first forward roll. I love it, seeing her do something I love!

Just Mommy and Josie

As we drove up to Vail on Thursday night I began second guessing my decision to go with my dad and brother to their volleyball tournament. Running around Vail with a crazy 15 month old, trying to keep enough sunblock on her, keep her fed and happy, stay in a hotel. My dad means well and he loves us, but helping me with Josie, I knew would not be a priority! It would be two days in the sun with no real baby entertainment. Ahhhhhh why didn't I stay home with my mom. We drove to Frisco, where the hotel was located. As we did, we drove through Breckenridge. Jeff and I lived there for a year right before Josie was born. I really wanted to spend some time there on this trip but with the tournament being the reason we were in the mountains in the first place there would not be possible for me to do so with the one car. In the end I decided not to go to Vail the first day (which is 30 min from out hotel) so we woke up and said good bye to the boys as they headed off to the tournament. After eating doughnuts Josie and I happily discovered Sesame Street was on T.V. and that's Josie's happy face behind the paci!

Then we headed outside the hotel to the bus stop. I remembered from when we lived here how easy it is to get around Summit County on the FREE bus system. While we waited for the bus we read the FREE Summit Daily, where we found a coupon for lunch later and found out what the weather would be. Here we are on the bus, the only pic of me that day! The route the bus travels has not changed at all and I got to see allot of the same sights I had when I lived here. The hospital where I first saw Josie's heartbeat! The High School Jeff coached baseball, the Middle School I coached cheer. The bike and hiking trails Jeff I spent allot of the summer on! I was sad for Jeff (at home in KS working) but excited to see it all again with Josie. This was also the place where I had my very painful miscarriage. Having Josie there in my arms while having the painful memories was something back then I could never have imagined happening!.
Jeff had a wonderful job in Breck with people he really cared about who really loved him. Josie and I stopped by to say hello, I know they would have loved to see Jeff but well lets face it Josie made up for him not being with us ;)

Josie fave thing to do is slide, so we are always on the look out for a new one to try. This one is in the middle of town next to the Blue River. There are pretty views and lots of kids playing make believe. It is a great place to people watch! UMMM here we are at lunch at Rasta Pasta. I knew it was the perfect place. They have great food (Josie loves noodles and chicken or bak,bak as she says) great prices (even better with the coupon always in the paper) a very friendly staff, and doggies hang out. What a fun lunch.
After lunch we to Mt. Top Childrens Mueseum. A great place to bring kids to play. They have a tot spot, arts and crafts, dress up with a stage to preform, electronics, experiments. I also worked for their day camp the summer I found out I was pregnant with Jos. It was fun to catch up on the lives of some of the kids I worked with two years ago. We played there for two hours.
Right outside the meuseum is this view. WoW we lived steppes away from this view (just behind the trees on the left)! I got to see this everyday! Look at the ski runs, winter here is fun but summer is just so beautiful!
Josie wanted to stick her feet in the water. Until she felt how cold it was!
After the cold water we headed for the bus and back to the hotel. What a fun and special day for us! We spent about 6 hours on our adventure and by the end we were tired. The weekend was long and exusting but what a blessing to spend time with my teeny tiny!