Doc

I cried through the whole appointment. I haven't really cried much yet so I knew it was coming. Started when I checked in, I got the balance for the D&C. It costs MORE to have that procedure than it did to have Josie!!!! Then I gathered my self together while I waited for the doctor. As soon as he came in and I opened my mouth to speak I cried and it didn't stop. He even asked me if I needed some anti- depressants. I don't think I do, it was just a hard day. Turns out I have a blood clotting issue/disorder/something or other. So as the baby grows in the uterus and requires more blood, the amount required cannot pass though my placenta because it clots. So when the blood stops coming the baby can't live/grow. Turns out it is my fault, I did kill that baby. Well that's how I feel. I know I could not have stopped it, but it's hard to shake that feeling. So we will take a few months off and start "trying" again at the end of the summer. I will be on a blood thinner of some sort and progesterone. Hopefully we won't have to do this again. The hard part is that even with the help you can't stop a miscarriage, sometimes they just happen. And for me now that I've had three my % to have more goes up. I still don't know how I will deal with getting a + pregnancy test, it will be scary and I'm sure I will take the doctor up on going in to see him weekly =)

So how the heck did I have Josie. Well I did some pretty intense acupuncture for several months before getting pregnant with her (it's covered by insurance in Colorado) and it's known to increase blood flow, but I think she was a miracle and gift from God! If I only have one I'm so glad it's her!