Had a D&C this morning, cried every time, anyone asked me a question! They do put you under, though it is only a 15 min procedure. Now I've had three of these and have had to because my cervix doesn't like to open and didn't want to be pregnant with a dead baby waiting for who know how long for it to happen naturally. So I am grateful that already the morning sickness is gone and I don't "feel" pregnant anymore.
Now that I've had three I get to start all the fun testing. After the D&C I had 20 viles of blood drawn. They will start there. I will go back to the doc in two weeks for a check up and get the results of the blood work. From there who knows! I am leaning towards the birth control, Marina (sp?) I can't do this again yet, that's for sure! I don't know if I ever want to do this again. After the 1st one, I was eager to be pregnant again ASAP. After the second one, we said we would let it go and see what happens. This time, I'm done!
Pregnancy will never be a happy joyful thing for me again. It will be fear and pain. You have to understand why it's so hard...... I threw up for weeks and weeks, never had any pain, no bleeding. Laid down for the big ultra sound to see the doc look like he wanted to cry. To see a perfect little baby in there with out a heartbeat.
Whats wrong with me, why doesn't my body like babies? It's so weird to think I've been pregnant 4 times!
I am very blessed to have Josie, I know that but I've lost three kids now, my kids!
Physically I am doing ok. I am in alot of pain this time. Jeff is here with me and Josie is with Grandma. I miss her but this is good, Jeff and I need to just be for a little while. I have amazing co-workers who brought us dinner tonight and would do anything for me. I was able to find a good sub on very short notice. My dad is on his way from Colorado to do dishes and laundry and go grocery shopping. Last night Josie sat in my lap and cried when I cried, almost like she knew. She would turn and kiss me on the lips every 5 minutes or so. She kept telling me her name was Mickey Mouse (not too sure why) I have a job that I love and 57 kids at school who will welcome me back on Tuesday like family. And it's a long weekend!
This is just so hard and hurts so much. I am afraid Josie will be an only child.
8 months ago
4 comments:
hey danielle, i'm so sad for you! i can't even imagine what you're going through. however i'm so glad that you have josie and your family there to support you. if you ever need to talk just let me know.
I can't imagine... Danielle - you have our thoughts and prayers. Please let us know if you need anything. I'm so sorry.
wow. no other words. makes josie seem like even more of a miracle!
Oh, Dan. I am still praying. I know that nothing I say could even make it an ounce less painless, but I wish I could. Love you.
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