While I'm still drugged up and in lots of pain.......

Had a D&C this morning, cried every time, anyone asked me a question! They do put you under, though it is only a 15 min procedure. Now I've had three of these and have had to because my cervix doesn't like to open and didn't want to be pregnant with a dead baby waiting for who know how long for it to happen naturally. So I am grateful that already the morning sickness is gone and I don't "feel" pregnant anymore.

Now that I've had three I get to start all the fun testing. After the D&C I had 20 viles of blood drawn. They will start there. I will go back to the doc in two weeks for a check up and get the results of the blood work. From there who knows! I am leaning towards the birth control, Marina (sp?) I can't do this again yet, that's for sure! I don't know if I ever want to do this again. After the 1st one, I was eager to be pregnant again ASAP. After the second one, we said we would let it go and see what happens. This time, I'm done!

Pregnancy will never be a happy joyful thing for me again. It will be fear and pain. You have to understand why it's so hard...... I threw up for weeks and weeks, never had any pain, no bleeding. Laid down for the big ultra sound to see the doc look like he wanted to cry. To see a perfect little baby in there with out a heartbeat.

Whats wrong with me, why doesn't my body like babies? It's so weird to think I've been pregnant 4 times!

I am very blessed to have Josie, I know that but I've lost three kids now, my kids!

Physically I am doing ok. I am in alot of pain this time. Jeff is here with me and Josie is with Grandma. I miss her but this is good, Jeff and I need to just be for a little while. I have amazing co-workers who brought us dinner tonight and would do anything for me. I was able to find a good sub on very short notice. My dad is on his way from Colorado to do dishes and laundry and go grocery shopping. Last night Josie sat in my lap and cried when I cried, almost like she knew. She would turn and kiss me on the lips every 5 minutes or so. She kept telling me her name was Mickey Mouse (not too sure why) I have a job that I love and 57 kids at school who will welcome me back on Tuesday like family. And it's a long weekend!

This is just so hard and hurts so much. I am afraid Josie will be an only child.

I guess it just sucks (theres no other way to say it)

I was so excited to write this post because I went to the doctor to see my babies heartbeat.

After weeks and weeks of being super sick and so hopeful, I lost another one.

I'm almost 10 weeks! I don't really know how I feel right now.

It really hurts!

Three now, three.

I don't think I will ever be excited to find out I'm pregnant again!

I have surgery tomorrow morning.

Our Christmas 2009

Started with opening Christmas Eve pj's. Then we put cookies out for Santa (dropping a few on the way)
She picked them right up, and took a bite, I don't think Santa minded!

Looking sad, she wanted to eat them.

In her new monkey jammies all ready for bed.

Santa and hi elves putting together Josie's new toy.

After almost two hours, Santa landed and left some fun new toys. (The big dog was shipped to Josie from Uncle Trey)

Playing with Santa gifts.

She loves the dogie.

Nice happy family at the Christmas Eve Service.

MERRY CHRISTMAS 2009

KU

Jeff is brain washing our daughter to love KU! It's really cute. She now recognizes the Jay Hawk and can sing the Rock Chalk chant with Jeff. This morning we were saying our ABC's and when we got to K she screamed KU! Jeff is so proud ;)

Two Josie Stories

Last night Josie was sitting in my lap reading a book. She pushed the book aside and said, "mommy I potty". So I rushed her into the bathroom, where sure enough she peed in the potty. It's second time. I'm not really potty training her, just explaining what I do when I go, and what and where things are. So I am impressed. Yes I know things could and probably will go very differently when she starts the hard core potty training, but for now I am excited ;)


This morning I took her inside the babysitters house, took off her coat and hat, before I knew it she was at the door opening it. Then she come to me grabbed my leg and pushed me out the door. She looked out at me said See ya and slammed the door! Thanks a lot Josie! It was funny and really I am so happy she is where she is all day and obviously enjoys herself!

T.I.M.S. Fight Panthers Fight

This is my fabulous cheerleading squad! We went to a competition and rocked it! It was so much fun and we did awesome! We were one of 6 middle schools and our routine was pretty tough compared to the other squads. We got some pretty big props from the high school squads. Plus we had a BOY! Yup the only middle school squad with a boy in the city! He is just awesome and wants to learn and learn. I love these kids and this makes my job so much more fun. (well on most days) In our routine we had lots of halves, two fulls, two libs, a double hitch pyramid and lots of tumbling. If you were on my high school squad you would recognize our cheer (it was hey hey here we go from our routine senior year) I told them I did it in a routine and they thought that was so cool. I am excited because I am turning our cheerleading program into something really great. It's all because I have great girls (and boys) We have 4 basketball games left with an excited Christmas routine still to come.

3 point shot at the buzzer

This year our girls 7th grade basketball team is awesome! They have won every game so far. the poor, poor, poor hardworking boys team just can't catch a break. I have been to all of the home games (with the cheerleaders) and a few away games, as an extra hand to help the coaches with the kids and fans. The kids love us to be there and yesterday it was another teachers turn to go to the away game. The boys team was upset that I was not going , it was cute =) So I told them if they won I would buy them all pizza for lunch on Monday. Knowing full well that winning would most likely not happen I told them if they only lost by 8 I would make them brownies.

This morning they run up the stairs screaming MRS JACKSON YOU OWE US BROWNIES!!!!!

So, ok they lost by 8, exactly 8. Miles scored a 3 point shot at the buzzer to get them to where they needed to be. Not only that, but after he scored the whole team stood up screaming BROWNIES and ran onto the court to high five Miles for getting them brownies.

I hear the coach is not too happy they were acting so excited for losing, oh well it is the best game they have played so far. I hope that I will have to buy them pizza before this season is over!