few things i want to remember

1. Josie sang Jesus Loves Me all the way through by her self Saturday morning while I was changeing her diaper at almost 2 years old!

2. She was supposed to be resting on couch and watching Dora. She got off and Jeff told her sternly, "Josie get back on the couch for rest time". She started to cry, and I asked her why was crying. She said, " I mad at daddy, he say get on the couch!" We both had a good laugh at that one.

3. We have frequent family hugs, where we all hug in a three way fashion. This weekend Josie has started requesting them.

Don't Know.......

I feel like I am stuck. I still haven't really been sad about my latest miscarriage, not really, not like the previous two. It will really be a disaster, I'm afraid. I keep telling myself I shouldn't be sad, I have a child. It isn't a big deal, not compared to what other people have gone through. I don't deserve to be sad. If I take time to be I will miss out on time with Josie. It's almost like this is worse, stuck in something I can't get out of. It doesn't help that I am STILL have medical issues due to it as well. I don't know what to do or how to feel.

Valentines 2010

We had a full Valentines weekend. We didn't have school on Friday so the fun started Thursday. Parents and students sent each other balloons and cookies. I even got one.

What is Valentines with out heart shaped suckers and.....
cupcakes?

My classroom was full of balloons!

Josie was excited to get my balloon when I got home from work. She spent to weekend with Grandma and Grandpa while Jeff and I had massages, went out to dinner and on Sunday we went to see a cover band sing Beatles songs. Strange but fun!

Snow Days

A nice thing about being a teacher are inpromtu snow days. It is fun to get to spend a whole day at home when it's out of the norm. We had so much fun reading, playing and watching way to much Dora the Explorer. She talked on her cell phone (no I have not really bought my child a cell phone yet) all day to Hannah Tanna (Hannah Montana)

We took a hour and half nap together on the couch with her baby.

Josie even helped me with the dishes. She handed me clean silverware and then put dirty cups into the dishwasher. (is that not the smallest dishwasher you have ever seen?)

I am not ashamed to say I love working, I love my job. I was not designed to be a stay at home mom. So I enjoy and treasure those few days I get to be home with her all day even more. And yes I can't wait for summer!!!!!

jumpin on the bed

at grandma's this weekend josie was jumping on the bed. she fell and scrapped her chin pretty good. just now she was sitting in lap and noticed my cold sore on my lip. she said mommy owie, then pointed to her chin and said josie owie. then out of now where holds her finger up and says clear as day: NO MORE MONKEYS JUMPIN ON THE BED!

i wish it was summer, or spring, just not winter!

Another Snow Day

Today my 22 month old has been walking around talking on her cell phone to Hannah Tana (Hannah Montana). She also put herself in time out, she walked over to the time out spot said you be nice Josie and sat in time out! Today she helped with dishes buy handing me clean silverware and putting cups into the dishwasher. We had a fun snow day.

tales from the 7th grade

I love my 7th graders, this is the perfect spot for me. I tried high school, and I liked that too, but I love these 7th graders. I teach at a small school so there are lots of ways I am involved with them besides English class.
Last night I chaperoned the dance. We have some strict rules about dancing and spend most of the night walking around the dance floor telling kids to back away from each other. The slow dances make me laugh. They are so awkward, don't know how to do it, where to put their hands. It is really cute. One boy has a big crush on a girl and we teachers know about because one of us intercepted a note in class. He did it, he asked her to dance! Another boy has liked a girl since 2nd grade, both in the same circle of friends, but she does not share his feelings AT ALL! I looked up and they were dancing. He was so happy, and after ran up to me, "did you see me, did you see me"!
My fave of the night however was a very selfless act from one of our 7th grade girls. We have a boy with a disability and he is always kinda awkward. He danced around the floor by him self most of the night. A few of cheerleaders tried to get him to slow dance, but you could tell they were not doing it to be nice, he could too! A cute popular girl said no to dance with a guy she likes and asked him to dance for real. It was really sweet. It's not everyday you see kids this age put someone else before themselves.
I had a sleepover party after the dance for my cheerleaders, I was dreading it to be honest, but they were awesome, so respectful.
I am hoping by the time Josie is in 7th grade I will have this age down! HAHA RIGHT!

typical

me to a 7th grader- where is your homework?

7th grader- i'm almost positive it's in my locker.

me- ok, good go get it.

7th grader- oh wait i meant i'm pretty sure it's not in my locker!

whole class- laughing

Doc

I cried through the whole appointment. I haven't really cried much yet so I knew it was coming. Started when I checked in, I got the balance for the D&C. It costs MORE to have that procedure than it did to have Josie!!!! Then I gathered my self together while I waited for the doctor. As soon as he came in and I opened my mouth to speak I cried and it didn't stop. He even asked me if I needed some anti- depressants. I don't think I do, it was just a hard day. Turns out I have a blood clotting issue/disorder/something or other. So as the baby grows in the uterus and requires more blood, the amount required cannot pass though my placenta because it clots. So when the blood stops coming the baby can't live/grow. Turns out it is my fault, I did kill that baby. Well that's how I feel. I know I could not have stopped it, but it's hard to shake that feeling. So we will take a few months off and start "trying" again at the end of the summer. I will be on a blood thinner of some sort and progesterone. Hopefully we won't have to do this again. The hard part is that even with the help you can't stop a miscarriage, sometimes they just happen. And for me now that I've had three my % to have more goes up. I still don't know how I will deal with getting a + pregnancy test, it will be scary and I'm sure I will take the doctor up on going in to see him weekly =)

So how the heck did I have Josie. Well I did some pretty intense acupuncture for several months before getting pregnant with her (it's covered by insurance in Colorado) and it's known to increase blood flow, but I think she was a miracle and gift from God! If I only have one I'm so glad it's her!